One of the most common things I hear from partners who consult with me after their first birth is, “I felt so useless.” Most partners or parents to be want to be helpful in labour but feel unsure of what to do. Read on for some good tips.
Read more: What Partners Can do at BirthBe present
- Never underestimate the importance of just being close and present, even if you don’t know what else to do.
- Breathe.
- Pay attention to your partner’s immediate needs and wishes, which may change as labour progresses. She may want you to be close or give her space, touch her or not, offer encouragement or silent support.
Speak up!
- Push the pause button and ask questions if interventions come up.
- Ask for time to make decisions.
- If the laboring woman wants something changed , then say so. e.g. If the nurse is doing cheerleading / coached pushing when your partner wants quiet support instead.
- Prompt staff of birth wishes. e.g. Just before the baby’s born, remind them how long to do delayed cord clamping if that’s part of your birth plan.
- Remind staff of birth preferences if it seems they haven’t read the birth plan.
Reminder of strength, plan, options
It’s normal for people in labor to feel like they can’t do it or they can’t go on. Remind your partner they are strong and well prepared.
- Phrases such as “I love you”, “you are beautiful”, and “you are strong” can bring strength.
- If things start to stray from the birth plan then it’s okay to talk about that with your partner and or the staff.
- Have conversations as a group to learn what your options are.
Physical support
- Help with lifting and moving into different birthing positions, walking to the washroom.
- Walk together while your partner is pacing.
- Stay close while she’s sitting on the birth ball and make sure it doesn’t roll away when she stands up.
- Offer water or electrolytes or snacks.
- Take care of your own bio needs along the way so you can be a strong support.
Trust
- Before you’re in labor together, learn what you need to learn to trust the birthing process.
- Trust your partner when they ask for something; trust their body will know what to do.
- Have conversations with your care providers to build trust with them as well.
Understand
- Laboring women are not meant to be in their thinking brain.
- You will be more likely to advocate if you understand why birth preferences are important.
- Understand your options and how to make decisions.
- Before labour starts, learn things like timing contractions, when to go to birthplace or call midwives.
Comfort measures & tools
- Learn how to do comfort measures well before labor begins. This includes things like touch, massage, hip squeezes, running the bath, hooking up the TENS machine.
- You’ll need to know several tricks and tools because needs change at different stages of labor.
- Consider working with a doula. Research shows couples with a doula in their birth room share significantly more touch and eye contact!
My prenatal classes include many more tips for what partners can do to support themselves and their laboring partner through birth. We also cover things couples can do and discuss prenatally so they’ll be well equipped during labour and birth, through the first 8 weeks postpartum.
