Category: Partners

What Partners Can do at Birth

Posted by on in Birth, Birth Prep, Birth Support, Comfort, Education, Hospital Birth, Partners, Prenatal Classes

One of the most common things I hear from partners who consult with me after their first birth is, “I felt so useless.” Most partners or parents to be want to be helpful in labour but feel unsure of what to do. Read on for some good tips.

Read more: What Partners Can do at Birth

Be present

  • Never underestimate the importance of just being close and present, even if you don’t know what else to do.
  • Breathe. 
  • Pay attention to your partner’s immediate needs and wishes, which may change as labour progresses. She may want you to be close or give her space, touch her or not, offer encouragement or silent support.

Speak up!

  • Push the pause button and ask questions if interventions come up. 
  • Ask for time to make decisions. 
  • If the laboring woman wants something changed , then say so. e.g. If the nurse is doing cheerleading / coached pushing when your partner wants quiet support instead. 
  • Prompt staff of birth wishes. e.g. Just before the baby’s born, remind them how long to do delayed cord clamping if that’s part of your birth plan.
  • Remind staff of birth preferences if it seems they haven’t read the birth plan.

Reminder of strength, plan, options

It’s normal for people in labor to feel like they can’t do it or they can’t go on. Remind your partner they are strong and well prepared. 

  • Phrases such as “I love you”, “you are beautiful”, and “you are strong” can bring strength. 
  • If things start to stray from the birth plan then it’s okay to talk about that with your partner and or the staff. 
  • Have conversations as a group to learn what your options are.

Physical support

  • Help with lifting and moving into different birthing positions, walking to the washroom.
  • Walk together while your partner is pacing.
  • Stay close while she’s sitting on the birth ball and make sure it doesn’t roll away when she stands up. 
  • Offer water or electrolytes or snacks. 
  • Take care of your own bio needs along the way so you can be a strong support.

Trust

  • Before you’re in labor together, learn what you need to learn to trust the birthing process.
  • Trust your partner when they ask for something; trust their body will know what to do. 
  • Have conversations with your care providers to build trust with them as well. 

Understand

  • Laboring women are not meant to be in their thinking brain.
  • You will be more likely to advocate if you understand why birth preferences are important. 
  • Understand your options and how to make decisions.
  • Before labour starts, learn things like timing contractions, when to go to birthplace or call midwives.

Comfort measures & tools

  • Learn how to do comfort measures well before labor begins. This includes things like touch, massage, hip squeezes, running the bath, hooking up the TENS machine. 
  • You’ll need to know several tricks and tools because needs change at different stages of labor.
  • Consider working with a doula. Research shows couples with a doula in their birth room share significantly more touch and eye contact!

My prenatal classes include many more tips for what partners can do to support themselves and their laboring partner through birth. We also cover things couples can do and discuss prenatally so they’ll be well equipped during labour and birth, through the first 8 weeks postpartum.

𝗗𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀: 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿. Top 3 𝗠𝘆𝘁𝗵𝘀 & 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀

Posted by on in Birth, Birth Support, Dads, Doula, Labour, Partners

Some couples worry that the partner will be relegated to a minor role if a doula attends the birth. On the other hand, some pregnant women worry that their partners will not be very helpful but are hesitant to suggest a doula for fear of hurting the partner’s feelings. Many partners want to help but feel insecure about their ability to meet all of their loved one’s needs.

𝗠𝘆𝘁𝗵 #1: Partners can do all the labour support on their own.

𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆: While this may be true for a minority of couples, many partners are not equipped to be the primary birth support. Doulas are specifically trained in emotional and physical support such as comfort measures. They understand the birth process and what to do at various stages and situations. Besides, partners are going through their own birthing journey and need support too.

𝗠𝘆𝘁𝗵 #2: Doulas displace partners and interfere with the couple’s intimate experience.

𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆: Research shows more eye-contact and physical touch between couples when a doula is present; they usually work more closely together. Doulas help couples clarify their expectations of each other and then make space for partners to participate at their comfort level. When the partner chooses to be the primary emotional support, the doula can supplement their efforts by running errands, making suggestions for comfort measures, etc. During a long tiring labor, she can give the partner a break. While the doula probably knows more than the partner about birth, hospitals and maternity care, the partner knows more about the woman’s personality, likes and dislikes, and needs. Moreover, they love the birthing woman!

𝗠𝘆𝘁𝗵 #3: Doulas are there only for the birthing client.

𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆: Of course the labouring woman is the priority but doulas support partners too! Medical staff have other priorities that may compete with the emotional care of their patient; e.g. breaks, shift changes, clinical responsibilities, office hours and hospital policies. Client care is the doula’s priority. She is not just another stranger with the couple. They’ve met prenatally until they know each other and feel ready as a team. Doulas understand the dreams, wishes, goals of the birthing person and the partner. By making sure that the partner’s needs are met (e.g. food, drink, reassurance, and maybe even rest), the birthing woman and partner can work more closely together.

As one partner said, “I heaved a big sigh of relief when she (the doula) walked in. I hadn’t realized how much pressure I had been feeling. She not only calmed my wife, she calmed me down. I was able to support my partner MORE when the doula was with us!”